IELTS-G 13 Writing test 1 task 1-2

Hint

SAMPLE ANSWER This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score. Here is the examiner’s comment:

The candidate has addressed all three bullet points, though there is room for extension of each one. The tone is appropriate and the purpose of the letter is clear. Information and ideas are arranged coherently and there is effective use of cohesive devices [Firstly I Additionally I Consequent ly]. The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task and although there are errors in word choice [expose I express I trans Ference I transfer] and several spelling errors [develope I recquired I enormuusly I sincerelly], the meaning is still clear. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and although there are errors in both grammar and punctuation, these do not impede communication. Extension of the main ideas, a wider resource in both vocabulary and range of grammatical structures, along with fewer errors in spelling, grammar  and punctuation would lift this script above Band 6.

Dear Mr Smith,

The purpose of this letter is to expose my  interest of working during half year in the company’s head office.

Firstly, I would like to mention that I have developed efficiently my.Additionally I have performed accurately  the role  I have been doing over the last years.Consequently,I would like to learn about other areas in the company, and I would appreciate, the opportunity  of  being involved in new challenges.

If that could be possible. I would like t o train my  assistant. She could develope the tasks that I have been doing  as well as me. Moreover, I can confide un her. She has a wide knowledge and the capability to develope any  task related to my job. Not only she could do my job but also she could have my advice at any time that it would be recquired.

I would enormuusly appreciate if you could have the possibility of arrange overseas my trans Ference to the head office in the company.

Your sincerelly

Hint

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score. Here is the examiner’s comment:

The candidate addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. Main ideas are presented, supported and expanded, especially in the second paragraph. Organisation is logical and there is generally clear progression throughout, but linking within and between some sentences is occasionally faulty or weak [… in danger. Because … I commit crimes. So, bad sequences … I be imposed. Because it is not good … I at nigh t, however]. The range of vocabulary is sufficient to demonstrate some less common items and some collocations [pros and cons I safe areas I commit crimes I drugs IrapesI robberies I exempted]. Spelling errors are rare [high crime /ate/rate I cufew]and there are only occasional examples of incorrect word choice [from/some background I may/need not be imposed in safe areas I area which/where]. There is a variety of complex structures, with frequent error-free sentences. Grammar and punctuation are generally well controlled.

In some regions of America, a ‘curfew’ seems to be imposed although it has not been imposed in Japan for many years.There should be from background to impose a curfew and this essay will discuss pros and cons about it.

First of all, curfews may not be imposed in safe areas. Safe areas mean that the crime rate islow. If teenagers go out at night in the area which there are many crimes happening,they would be involved and be in danger..Because they do not know now to protect  themselves from possible dangers of crimes. Also, it is possible that teens might commit crimes due to the fact they are curious about everything and they are easily involved to their friends. In addition, high crime late sometimes means that  parents’ interest about  education is low. Therefore children get interested in crimes. drugs. rapes, robberies instead of studying. Consequently, children  will not get good jobs and will become poor, then will commit crimes. So, bad sequences will be repeated. In such situations, it may be necessary to impose a curfew.

However, there may be a opinion that a curfew should not be imposed. Because it is not good idea to restrict children’ s action and children’s freedom should be respected instead. l  agree with this idea to some extent. If a teen is less than 15 years old, they should not be outside after 9 o’clock .However, teens over 15 years old can understand what is wrong.

In conclusion, in a dangerous area teenagers might be restricted  to go out at night,however ages over 15 can be exempted. What is more important thing is to educate people including parents. Otherwise,situations will not change.